This time last year I found out I was pregnant. My expected due date recently passed as well. I didn’t know how I would handle it but in hindsight, I think I did okay. Probably because I avoided the topic completely. No friends or family really remembered and I actually preferred it that way.
Every year Lamar leaves for two weeks for his military work. As he prepared himself for the trip this year, I noticed he looked troubled. He was sitting at the edge of the bed and mid conversation he just paused and looked away.
After a few minutes he looked me in the eye and said .. “last year when I left we found out you were pregnant.” – This was actually extremely sad to hear, especially coming from a man. His tone and mannerisms said it all; the long sigh afterwards just screamed disappointment, sadness.
Don’t get me wrong, I know he doesn’t blame me, but just seeing how it affected him, thinking about how it affects me, I just came to the realization, you don’t get over miscarriage, you simply move past it.
1. You Always Wonder “What If?”
– I am a firm believer of a life becoming a life at the moment of conception, so of course I constantly wonder what my child would be doing around now, where would we be? What did their future hold?
The unknown can become bothersome.
2. The Date Is Engraved In Your Brain
– After you went to that first (confirmation) appointment and your physician gave you that EDD, your life changed. Your life changed forever. You anticipated that date and although you lost your child, your memory and the date still remain. Time passes and every year that date will come. – And every year you will have to live through it.
3. You Carried A Life
– Whether we like it or not, we created, carried and lost a life. A life you never knew but somehow became so connected (to).
4. Feeling Like Your Body Failed You
– There is so much stress placed on women. We need to look pretty, be polite, work on our bodies, ect. More than anything we are seen as the “baby makers,” mainly because… well the obvious: men can’t carry babies. After miscarriage comes a feeling of defeat. Your body has let you down. It couldn’t do one thing the female body was designed to do. Why you? Why your body?
5. People Don’t Talk About It
– Talking about miscarriage is like the plague. For some reason this topic is always swept under the rug, but why? If we can talk about women’s rights then we should certainly be able to speak openly on women’s issues (like miscarriage).
As always, thanks for reading. Before you go:
Have you ever experienced miscarriage? Have you ever felt this way? Let’s talk on this topic! Leave a comment below with your response and how you’ve dealt with your journey.