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CANCER: The Post I REALLY Didn’t Want To Write…

I really wish I didn’t have to write this.

I still have nightmares about this day. A part of me still feels like it’s unreal. As if everything that happened was just a bad dream and I’ll soon wake up and everything will be okay again. – Sadly, I know this is not the case.

Cancer. Easily the most hated word. Likely one of the most feared diagnoses. As I write this, I feel empty. Drained of energy and empty of emotion. I try to hide it. I try to go to the gym or spend time with family in order to make a small effort at being myself again. I try. But I know it won’t work. The day I watched that doctor explain the severity of Lung Cancer to my grandfather was the day 90% of the small hope I had left was laid to rest.

I wish I had something positive to say. A way to turn this terrible time into something good, but I just don’t.

Since that day people have found comfort in telling me stories of their loved ones who passed away from Cancer. – This has to be one of the worst things I’ve ever witnessed someone do. People, more than one. Trying to comfort a caregiver with stories of death, as if I don’t already realize how terrible this disease is. As if I would find comfort in a reminder of all of the pain it’s brought up to this point.

As bad as it hurts I’m trying to appreciate every day I have with one of my best friends.

 

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What They're Saying

"Shawn. I see what you're doing in the IBD community. You're doing phenomenal things! Prayers for your personal journey as well as I know it can't be easy."

Felicia Robertson, MD June 23 2017
2017-09-08T14:16:02+00:00
"Shawn. I see what you're doing in the IBD community. You're doing phenomenal things! Prayers for your personal journey as well as I know it can't be easy." Felicia Robertson, MD June 23 2017

"You're the best! So glad you joined (the Patient Advisory Council of ImproveCareNow) and I hope we can get to know eachother better! Looking at your blog girl it's amazing. You're a beautiful writer and fighter."

 

Natalie B, PAC ImproveCareNow, April 29 2017
2017-09-08T14:21:19+00:00
"You're the best! So glad you joined (the Patient Advisory Council of ImproveCareNow) and I hope we can get to know eachother better! Looking at your blog girl it's amazing. You're a beautiful writer and fighter."   Natalie B, PAC ImproveCareNow, April 29 2017

"Chronically Strong is an absolutely beautiful blog filled with information about Ulcerative Colitis, Chronic Bowel Disease and Mental Health just to name a few. (Shawntel) has excellent healthy eating tips as well as a focus on overall wellness and nutrition, and recipes."

Leanne, Blogger, Aug. 2 2017
2017-09-08T14:26:29+00:00
"Chronically Strong is an absolutely beautiful blog filled with information about Ulcerative Colitis, Chronic Bowel Disease and Mental Health just to name a few. (Shawntel) has excellent healthy eating tips as well as a focus on overall wellness and nutrition, and recipes." Leanne, Blogger, Aug. 2 2017

" I've never found you to be anything but inspiring. Your honesty is refreshing and I like when people keep it real. Makes me feel it's ok to be human."

 

Sara R, Sep. 12 2017
2017-09-12T22:05:16+00:00
" I've never found you to be anything but inspiring. Your honesty is refreshing and I like when people keep it real. Makes me feel it's ok to be human."   Sara R, Sep. 12 2017

Though mostly about IBD, this blog covers a wide array of issues.  Shawn covers complex issues, like how her identity as an African American intersects with her IBD.  I am taken aback by the depth of each post! Whether you’re a blogger or an IBDer, her posts are sure to offer tons of inspiration.

 

Collin, Jan. 9, 2019
2019-01-09T22:11:58+00:00
Though mostly about IBD, this blog covers a wide array of issues.  Shawn covers complex issues, like how her identity as an African American intersects with her IBD.  I am taken aback by the depth of each post! Whether you’re a blogger or an IBDer, her posts are sure to offer tons of inspiration.   Collin, Jan. 9, 2019