When It Doesn’t Seem Like Enough

When It Doesn’t Seem Like Enough

THIS is me. At 12AM. On my toilet. IBD Blogger, Crohn's, Colitis

How much more vulnerable can it get?! I wanted to take this picture and share how I’m feeling in this exact moment because I feel it’s important. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and one huge thing on my mind is how I’m always in this rush to “do more.” I always feel like no matter what I am doing or where I am at in life, it’s just never good enough. As if life is just one big race that I’m always losing, no matter how far ahead I get. – Even though I know that’s not true.

This Awareness Week, I’ve really been struggling more than ever. Because of How I’ve Suffered With My Condition, raising awareness for Crohn’s, Ulcerative Colitis and other forms of Inflammatory Bowel Disease, really means a lot to me. I meant it. A lot. Although I use this blog as a release and it almost serves as my therapy in a way, I also use my platform to give that unfiltered perspective on what it’s really like to live with IBD. I hope to normalize these conversations and encourage other patients to come out of their own IBD-isolation (that I also once knew so well) and share their own stories! – I love what I do, but at times, like this week, I fear I just don’t do enough.

Awareness Week 2018 has been a huge success in my opinion. #CCAwarenessWeek on Instagram is blowing up! It seems like this year, more than ever, patients are becoming more empowered and spreading the word about living with IBD! While I feel like I haven’t done enough and it may even seem that way from the outside looking in, I have been working hard for my community.

I just returned home last night after spending time in New York. I wish I could give more information, but just know: your voice is being heard. There are people who care about those living with Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Important people. People in a position to create change. I have been using my voice alongside a handful of other advocates, speaking up for what’s right and what is needed in our community. We are working on filling these gaps so patients don’t have to suffer in the same way I (and so many others) have. When I can share more information on this project, I most certainly will!

Another big thing I promised I would discuss is My Experience as a Minority with IBD. – I said I would and I did. Last night, Tina of Own Your Crohn’s and I, went live on the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation Instagram page! We held an amazing discussion that I highly recommend you check out. This is not something exclusive to minorities, it’s a chat I certainly think anyone with a chronic illness can relate to. To watch a re-cap of the discussion, click here.

I’ve been sharing bits and pieces of my journey this week, but today I will close off IBD Awareness Week with key components of my journey through my Instagram stories. I’m really excited about it because I hope to share a bit of a different perspective. Stay tuned by connecting // following along on Instagram and my other social channels!

Tomorrow is another big day as I will be having my first Give Back Dinner to Benefit the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation! It starts tomorrow, Saturday, December 8th at 4:3oPM. If you’re in the Charlotte area, I’d love for you to drop by!

In the midst of all of this, I am still a patient and a caregiver. I am so tired. My body is fatigued and all I can think about is the next time I’ll be able to get more than a few hours of sleep. *I still haven’t managed to figure out when that will be, but I’ll let you know when I do.* I’m slowly realizing that sometimes enough is enough. We run ourselves ragged trying to do more and pushing ourselves way too hard. As much as I hope to take care of everyone: my family, my friends online, ect. – I know I must first take care of myself. So it may not seem like enough, but a lot of good has come from this week. I think a lot of change will come from this week and ultimately, I couldn’t ask for much more than that.

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